don't worry, i'm not really going anywhere. well, for right now. about four months ago, as many of you already know, i lost my job. i was crushed. not really because i loved that job, because it wasn't very fulfilling. it paid the bills and wasn't horrible. i saw it as a space filler while i put together something else. i'm always thinking of my next step. unfortunately, or fortunately, they decided to make that move first. it was a crushing blow to my ego and bank account. there are still days that it's hard to view myself as successful, knowing that i was fired. however, they are fewer and farther between than they used to me.
a month ago, i accepted a job with vanderbilt at a state facility. a "development center" (aka correctional facility) for male youth. i start tomorrow. why has it taken a month? well, two background checks, a credit check, dna check, reference check, two trips to get fingerprints, blah blah blah. turns out, i don't have fingerprints...or not enough to get fingerprinted. that made both visits, to the same guy mind you, a ball. having to answer a list of questions to make sure i didn't remove them on my own. my years as artist and musician, and now gym rat, have proved to help my career as new 007 or bank robber. sadly, i'm not fast or smooth enough for either of those positions.
that friday that i accepted that position, i came home quickly and packed the bag that i commonly use to carry things to and from work. my notebook for therapy notes, folio for stuff, my calendar. the stuff that i had put in my drawer when i was told to leave my cube. excited for the upcoming adventure, in kinda of familiar territory. the waiting has been killer on me and my on-site supervisor; our last conversation being "what the hell is going on? is there something in your background that i need to know about?" "nope, everything i did is on my juvenile record." "we'll talk about that when you get here."
my heart is truly divided in half therapeutically. one side, working with trafficked women and the prevention groups i run. the other side, working with kids that end up at woodland hills. my first job in nashville was at a boys home. while, the staff sucked (some, not all) and it was poorly ran, i loved those kids. they could call at 6am and because they were in trouble and i would run to help them through it. not save them, but help them not run away. it was mostly fun to show them that even most adults don't have it together, but we manage to get by. we learn from our mistakes, because we make them...all the time. we all struggle and want, it's part of being human. we all have our "stuff", it's just how we handle it that makes you successful or unsuccessful. we have the power to change everything in our lives; all the generational things that we have.
even though tomorrow won't be full of therapy or meeting clients. mostly signing papers, learning the ends and outs of the system, that kind of thing. i'm ready to just go. my couch needs the break.