if i were to go back to my 18 year old self and let her know what she would be doing at 32, she probably would have punched you in the face. i don't know what has really happened to me over the last 14 years, but i'm not as fearless or risk-taking as i was at one point in my life. i don't know if it's bills, or what, but something has snapped and i want it to change. every year i say that "it's going to be my year". yet, years have come and gone and everything has been the same. i'm not any step closer to anything. sure, i have some fascinating stories to tell. but i don't feel comfortable in my skin, i feel like i'm wearing a disguise.
i have retreated into something because i fear a lot of things. i fear failing, i fear rejection, i fear letting people down, i fear that people won't be happy with what i'm doing. i realize that i live in fear based in other's fear. i never feared those things. i rarely put stock in what other's thought of me or my path. i knew who supported me. i knew who had my back.
instead of saying 2015 is going to be my year, i'm actually going to be intentional about making it that way. which means stepping out of my comfort zone. and that's ridiculously frightening.
living in fear doesn't create change, moving in fear does.
i've made my list of goals for 2015, with deadlines. i'm part of a "do over" challenge with jon acuff, and i downloaded the "start over" series with donald miller. i have people set up to be my accountability partners. `i have great support.
to be in line with 2015 goals. my best friend and i are running a race every month. we did our first race on new year's day. i finished it!
and here's proof. already crushed a goal, mere hours into it's first day. i have no reason or fear to fail now.
i'm ready to do all the things that i've dreamt and talked about. and be the person i dreamt of being. it's not going to be an easy year, but it will be a year that's worth it all in the long run.