there has been a significant absence on my part when it comes to this blog. i haven't had much to say that would be motivating, or positive. my dissatisfaction with my career path is at it's all time high. i've been making every excuse to not go into my job or leave early. reaching a low, i never thought i'd hit. a couple weeks ago i was at breakfast with two of my closest friends. one asked how my job was going and i smirked. the other asked me if she could say something in love. which usually means some truth bomb that my heart and head isn't ready to receive. i said no, but she either bypassed that, or didn't hear me and said what she wanted to say anyway.
what she said was "where you are now is your whale."
i hate to admit it, but she's right. totally, absolutely right.
i tried to think to myself that maybe i was making all of this too dramatic. maybe it's not as bad as i thought. i'm good at my job and i know that i make an impact. what i do is important, but anyone with my qualifications can do what i do. so what legacy am i leaving behind?
am i building a legacy that will last or am i fulfilling a task? am i using my talents to the fullest?
so i wrote my resignation letter. i haven't turned it in yet, but i have it ready. i have set a date. i'm pulling up my boots, channeling the strength from all the people before me that have paved their own way, and forging forward. there are things on the horizon for me and it makes me smile. some times you have to leap and the net will appear.
there are voices that i hear, echoes of people in my life, some discouraging and some supportive. i wonder, often, what will these people think? i'm moving into uncharted territory, for them. this isn't the safest move. but smooth seas never made a skilled sailor, and safety doesn't make a life. sometimes you have to take the risk. i may absolutely fail. it might be laughable. but i might soar. and i don't want to look back on my life and wonder
where would i be if i had tried that?
I think it's The Format that said "if i fail, well then i failed, but i gave it a shot". well there is terror in having other people see me fail, there is grace and triumph in the try.
i want my legacy to be taking the leap and trusting. Failing and getting back up. Succeeding and moving forward. falling. standing. running. crying. laughing. being courageous and experiencing fear. I want to live a good adventure.