i've been in cambodia now for just over a week. the transition has been a lot easier than i thought it would be. the homesickness hasn't been bad either. i'm very thankful for that. i think that was the part that i was worried about the most. there was this deep feeling in my stomach when i thought about everyone i was leaving behind. my community was so supportive of this leap and knowing that has made it a lot easier to be here. i know they believe in me enough, and know how great this opportunity means to me, that missing them doesn't hurt as much. with technology, they really aren't that far away anyway. i got to dive right into most of my job. that's helped the transition a lot too. i haven't been to many places yet. i'm not 100% comfortable going many places on my own yet, and that will all come with time. i'm trying to be easier on myself. i can put these unrealistic expectations on myself.i should know phnom penh like i know nashville or louisville by now, you know? but i don't.
the job is pretty awesome. i feel like i'm supported and encouraged to step out of what i'm used to. i feel like they have a lot of trust and confidence in me, and that makes me excited to go to work every day. for the first time in years, sunday evening didn't bring dread. it was the weirdest feeling. i had grown so accustomed to the dread. now, every day is a new challenge and honor to do what i have dreamed of for so long. i always have to be on my toes and prepared for whatever happens next. i like the changes and that excitement.
on the upside, i get to teach the other therapists and case managers about art therapy and trauma, and other therapeutic techniques. i get to develop things that we're going to use as standard. i can't think of anything more exciting than helping other mental health professionals, become better at what they do. and in turn, them helping me become a better leader.
everything hasn't been sunshine and rainbows though, there's been this wind of self-doubt that creeps in every now and again. self-doubt has been a constant companion since my early teens, further fortified by times in my life when failure was deep and fierce. the hardest thing for me to understand and remember at times is that failure is brief. i'm not still defined by the mistakes i made at 7, 17, or 27. I'm not the mistakes i made yesterday, or the ones i'll make tomorrow. but still self-doubt whispers in my ear when i least expect to hear from it. sometimes it's hard to keep going because i'm anxiously awaiting the whisper. and i just have to shake that.
i am enough. i am equipped to do everything that will be set in front of me to do. i can overcome the obstacles. and i'm not alone. nothing will have to be done by myself. i have a great team, i have great leadership. i am enough.