several years ago my friend (and roommate at the time), molly, introduced me to the sketchbook project. i've made it a 2017 goal to be involved in creative projects outside of my job, so instead of deleting the email from the sketchbook project reminding me of their new project, i bought in.
this series is a writing project, instead of art making and you got to pick between hope and fear. i chose fear. i wanted to embrace the wave of fear that is in the atmosphere right now, and force it to stay in this small book.
when it came in the mail, it sat on the hallway table for a bit of time, because i'm a bit scared of placing my fears in the hands of other people. it's a very vulnerable spot for me to say what i'm fearful of, and just putting it out there on the table. i haven't actually written anything inside the pages yet. i have the broad ideas though.
i'm fearful of the future for girls.
i'm fearful i'm so good at being alone, that i will always be alone.
i'm fearful that it's too late for me to have kids.
i'm fearful that the political climate will further the feeling of us and them.
i'm fearful of the future.
the conversations i have had recently, all end up navigating their way to what we fear. which is why i wanted to write about it. it seems little rose-colored to focus on hope. i believe though, that embracing the fear and really feeling it, allows us to believe in hope. right now, i'm in the midst of great change, and i haven't wanted to sit with the fear. if i acknowledge it, then i have to admit that i'm scared. and society has taught us that being scared equals weakness. i've spent most of my life trying to be super human, instead of just human. who is scared, and gets sad, and doesn't always have to be tough. i need to get to a place to be open with my fears. i'm hoping that writing them down and letting them circulate with this project, that someone else will know that they aren't alone in this journey.