Everyone has a real good story about something magnificent they did as a kid. Some won a t-ball game with a powerful swing to the fat kid in outfield, some backflipped their way to a medal in gymnastics, I took the road less traveled by.
I tried every trick in the book, I put Junior in “Problem Child” to shame.
I punched my kindergarten boyfriend in the stomach one day because he was following me around the gym. I threatened him again when we got in line in front of the teacher. I’m not 100% sure anyone knows about that. I think JR Mingis still lives in fear of his girlfriend.
One time, my freshman year of high school, I got in huge HUGE trouble with my mother. I really don’t remember what for, but we got in this knock-down-drag-out fight which resulted in a whipping. She got out her few licks and I turned to her and said “That all you got”. I went back to my room to listen to records.
My twin bed was forever up against a wall. One afternoon, I thought my bright white wall needed some artwork. I have always been an artist. I conned my cousin into using crayons and jumping on my bed to each all surface area. My bed has been in the middle of the room ever since. Even now, when I don’t live in my parents’ home.
My all-time favorite story is about the time I was waiting for my mom to get ready to go see Santa. This is a big deal, you know, this dude is responsible for all the gifts that got under our Garden Ridge tree that year. That’s big business. Momma had ran bath water for herself, while doing something else. I decided, in my devilish mind, that I would throw every single present that momma had wrapped and put under the tree should be washed. They ended in the bath tub. My mom no longer wraps presents until Christmas Eve.
Discipline was never easy for Momma and Da. Time out in corner meant long chats with imaginary friends, art projects and songwriting sessions. Spanking/Whipping turned into a tough man challenge, “Bring it on!!” I’d say. Buns of steal, this gal. Grounding...seriously? I was a loner, my room was awesome. I had my dad’s record collection, tons of cds and a television. Ground me please! My So Called Life is on!
They say that your children are three times worse than you are. This is why I’m 30 and childless. I would have duct taped me to a wall if I were my parent.