Based in louisville, kentucky, "hi my name is amos", is a blog and youtube channel about mental health, body image, and managing life. 

and the living is easy

things are incredibly busy right now, as i am sure they are for everyone. it's summer time. people are outside. so much is going on. it's one of my favorite times of the year. new music coming out, outdoor shows, beers on patios, and longer days. however, i find myself in this place every year right when the season starts that i'm just not happy. fall/weather/spring time, i can hide behind clothing. i can pile on the layers. i feel safe in those. there's no hiding that i'm overweight and i'm not trying to deny that i am, but somehow, when i can layer up it feels like i'm a bit more like everyone else. once july comes, my favorite cardigans have to go up in the closet. and my sleeves have to get shorter. last week, i was late meeting a friend for musician's corner (a free outdoor concert in nashville) because i had a break down over what to wear.

so i did some re-evaluating this week. of everything.

i shouldn't feel bad over clothing. why am i working out? why am i stressing out over the scale? what's my motivation?

back when i started this journey to fitness, in college, i wanted to get healthy. now, by my bloodwork and such, i am healthy. then i wanted to run a half marathon, i've done two. so what's next? to look good in clothing? the hard part about that is, "looking good in clothing" is psychological. have i gotten there yet? not at all. to me, i still look like the 425 pound girl. i know i'm not that, i've seen the scale. but when i get ready in the morning, there are days i feel like i look like jabba the hutt.

this week i started trying a different gym, life fitness academy. i found a groupon, and i figured "why not"? they have a lot of clinics and different types of classes for areas of my workout that i'm really challenged in. they also have a holistic approach to your body and your fitness. they look at the physical, spiritual, and your food. who knows if i'll go once my groupon is over, but for the next two months, i'm looking forward to a different challenge.

since i still have a large amount of weight to lose, i need a goal for every time i go to the gym. i have realized that it takes a while to see a weight loss, or a change in my body size. it has taken a very long time to get to this place. i was getting very frustrated, very frustrated, because i was eating really well, working out 1,2,3 times a day and nothing was happening. i'm trying to brainstorm how to motivate myself and challenge myself without being so concentrated on how my body changes. instead, i want to concentrate on how my body feels. which is difficult. i try not to concentrate on the scale that much.

my goal for this week is to figure out my goals in the gym for the rest of 2014 and plan out how i'm going to get there. this year is going to be full of very crazy things, so i want to get in a better mindset in the gym. instead of meeting the door in defeat.


shake the dust.