2015 seems to be off to a pretty great start. shaking the dust off and moving forward. it's had it's fair share of negatives already, but they've been met with much more clarity and moved through rather quickly. my nightmares are back. they always come back when i'm on the verge of something. i'm not sure what that something is, but my dream life is alerting me that it's on the horizon.
the outreach is going really well. each week brings a new and savoring conversation. this week i helped a girl find a place to live through some ads online. and a place for her friend. seems simple on the surface, but i know for me, it wasn't. i also had a job interview on thursday. moving out of juvenile justice finally and getting to work with girls. we'll see how that pans out.
one of the dancers called me late saturday/ early sunday...and i didn't answer. i was asleep. i tired getting in touch with her on sunday to no avail. tried again this morning and still nothing. my head keeps telling me that everything is okay. she's sleeping/busy/mad you didn't answer/in school/whatever. somehow the rest of me is freaking out that something has happened. with that comes guilt.
last night at church they played a new song. as soon as the music started, i knew i had recognized it from some place. then she started singing and i knew. this is the song S played for me while sitting in a bar last week. the one that made her stand up next to the table and stomp her feet. the one that made her sing a little louder than the music playing in the place. the one that made me smile and not really be embarrassed by the people staring at us. she told me this was the song that reminds her that she doesn't have to dance. that there's something more outside of it.
i have to remind myself that whatever is going on, i have to trust that she's okay.
i've only cried twice worrying about it.
this month has made quite the mark on me. and i'm sure there will be many more like it. like i said the last time, each week brings something new and i'm not always sure of what is next. but i do know that every time i move it's in the right direction. let's just see how it goes.