Based in louisville, kentucky, "hi my name is amos", is a blog and youtube channel about mental health, body image, and managing life. 

home is wherever

i bought a house. and that makes kentucky the place i hang my hat now. it's been difficult to feel like i'm home, not just since cambodia, but ever. often, i have left like i occupied someone else's space, never my own. this is the second home i've owned, and this is the first one that i've felt like it was actually mine. 

the feeling of restlessness was completely overwhelming after i landed. the hardest part was feeling like i had to marry these two lives, an make a third. i don't know where the feeling came from, but it was there.  

i was recently interviewed by my alma mater. they were reaching out to alumni that they deemed "world changers" and i was among the stack . during the interview, the woman asked me if i felt settled and i couldn't help but answer, no. i don't know that i ever will be, and i'm getting to the place where that feeling is okay. this space i have now is mine, and it's my haven for rest and restoration, but it doesn't change that i may never feel completely settled in one spot. i keep my passport in my purse, for goodness sakes. there's always that itch of whatever is on the horizon. 

right now, i'm in the spot where i need to be. i love going to work every day, my team is fantastic.  cambodia definitely plays a role in where i am right now, but so does every other position i've held. cambodia definitely changed the dial of my life, giving me an entirely new direction, which was very much what i needed at the time. the idea of putting down roots, having a place to hold onto my story and the artifacts of my existence on this planet is very comforting. 

i've also learned that no one else has to dictate what life has to look like right now. just because i'm home doesn't mean that i have to start family or retirement planning. we sometimes get caught up in what's supposed to come after, instead of just living for what everything is, right now. i'm still in a slight fog, and some days are easier to cope with than others. today, today is a good day. 

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