i think i'm finally back to a place where writing and vlogging again feels good. it's good to be back.
back in october, a friend of mine posted an article about the "most depressed cities in america" or something of that nature. i wasn't too bothered that louisville was listed as one of the cities. we might be, we might not be, who cares? what bothered me was a person who commented saying that it's because we have the higher obesity rate and if people ran more, then our city would be happier.
whaaaa?
this was a staged shot. and yes, my closet is pretty much monochromatic.
okay, i think i get what she's trying to say. there is science to back up that your mood is improved by exercise. we've all heard of a "runner's high" and such. depression isn't cured with exercise, and fat people aren't all depressed.
i haven't written or said anything about it for this long, because i wanted to digest it a bit and come up with a better response. fat people are given a lot of labels. lazy, unhealthy, sad, ugly, etc. now, i'm not an advocate for obesity and i am actively trying to change that about myself. as a condition of my labels, i feel compelled to give you that statement about my body.
depression isn't a side effect of being fat. it happens in the brain and isn't dependent on my gravitational pull to the earth. as a matter of fact, i am the happiest i have ever been. i'm not an outwardly emotional person, so you probably would not know that. as a friend has said in the past, i am "high participation, low enthusiasm". it's part of my charm. the last time i was depressed, was about 2 years ago and it lasted a long time. it had nothing to do with my weight. it had everything to do with where i was in my life and how unsatisfied i was with my life. i was hoping that by that time in my life, that i would be under different circumstances...and it wasn't that way. despite all my attempts to ease my depression, i couldn't bring myself out of it.
saying fat people are depressed, is just pressing another label on our bodies, to satisfy preconceived notions of the fat person experience. it's easy for someone who has not struggled with weight to assume that a fat person would be depressed. and especially in the fitness industry, being fat is seen as bad, so when you feel "fat", you are made to feel sad. doesn't mean that all fat people feel that way; our existence and how we navigate the world isn't dictated by my body.
i'm going to make the assumption that louisville is one of the "most depressed cities" because of unemployment, race relations, homelessness, our higher rates of domestic and sexual violence, and those types of things. and i hate running.